Choosing your state in leadership
Nikola Tesla famously said, “If you want to find the secrets to the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration”. As a new father, I’ve found the same to be true of the way we interact and impact one another as humans.
In the first few months of my son’s life, the most challenging moments were always the ones where I lost touch with the awareness that the way I am thinking, feeling and being, have a direct impact and influence on those around me. This blind spot typically reared its ugly head for me late in the evening after a long day. All I want to do is sit down, relax and zone out while watching an episodes of The Office (that I’ve seen already), but instead I find myself with a baby attached to my chest in a sling, walking endless laps around the kitchen island, as my new parenting related ailment plantar fasciitis begins to send a strong “fuck you” signal in a way that grabs your full attention. I’m tired, irritable, and impatient, and I’m trying to calm a baby who’s feeling tired, irritable, and impatient also.
We both remain firmly stuck in our irritability until I remember that in order to get the outcome I want, I must lead in this moment. I pull my shoulders back and take a deep breath into my abdomen before letting out the kind of audible sigh that only happens when you slip into a warm bath or bed. Before the breath has fully left my body, I look down and magically, my son is following the shift in my energy. We were matching and mirroring each other’s discomfort until I paced and led us to a more resourceful state of being using my own state of being as the tool of influence. As I begin to relax, he beings to relax and before long, we’re out of the woods. The important lesson that I continue to learn is that what I want from others, needs to begin within me.
There is a presupposition in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) that says, “You cannot, not influence”. What this means is, you are ALWAYS influencing others even when you’re not conscious of it. Even when you’re just sitting there quiet as a monk, your body language and energy are still communicating and influencing those around you.
Leadership is about what you do, how you do it, but mostly, WHO you are. Who you are is largely dependent on your state of being, energy and attitude at any given moment. In leadership, your state of being, and how your state makes others feel, is more important than simply what you do and how you do it.
Research has confirmed that only 25% of job successes are predicted by I.Q., while 75% is predicted by your level of optimism and the social support that surrounds you (Home & Arbuckle 1988 & Estrada Isen and Young 1997). If you’re a leader of people tasked with getting results, your strategy should be crystal clear based on the data. Your primary focus should always be to think, feel and create a state of being within yourself that is aligned with what you’re trying to achieve. Why? Because you cannot, not influence others. Example: When I have a complete fucking conniption trying to prove to my own laptop that I’m not a robot by pointing out all the traffic lights in a set of pictures when signing into amazon to buy a book on how to become more patient, I try to remember that even though I’m human and simply experiencing life’s annoying challenges, someone else is watching, learning, and impacted by my experience. My state of being impacts their state of being which ultimately impacts our success.
Therefore, becoming a once in a lifetime leader can be thought of as a spiritual pursuit. Possessing the ability to intentionally choose your state of being in service of your desired outcomes instead of allowing life, people, or situations to determine how you think, feel, or show up is the very epitome of spirituality. That’s a person who is fully conscious, awake, aware, and able to truly serve their vision and their people without being clouded by their own personal experience.
The key to putting all of this in practice is a cocktail of awareness, mindfulness, and intention. Make it habitual in your leadership to refuse to show up in a state of being that was determined by what just happened to you in your day, last meeting or life (showing up unconsciously). Instead, be intentional and stop to consider what the situation, the individual’s involved (including their needs wants and agenda’s) and what outcome you’re trying to achieve. It is from that awakened place that you will determine the ideal state of being needed from you in order to influence and achieve success.
To head off an obvious question that may be poking through the soil of your mind, choosing or changing your own state of being will not make you an inauthentic leader. The trick is learning how to actually embrace and embody the state that you desire. This skill is rooted in flexibility, adaptability and ultimately the ability to let go of what you’re thinking, feeling and what is happening within you.
Finding the will to complete my corporate taxes each year gives me what they generously call suicidal ideation in psychology. You want to off yourself, but at least you came up with the idea to do it, you imaginative price/princess you. Thinking and feeling that way about a task that’s not only vital but will get me thrown in jail if I refuse to do it, simply doesn’t help me accomplish it easily. It makes me avoid it! Because I’m aware of how counterproductive it is to think and feel this way about my taxes, I choose to reframe my perspective to make it serving rather than costly. I intentionally think about the freedoms that come along with owning your own business and that understanding, tracking, and reporting on my business not only keeps me out of jail, but also informs and helps me to understand my business so I can improve it….so I can stay in business….and feed and shelter myself and my family. This perspective helps me to value a vital task in a way that doesn’t encourage me to off myself. This helps me to take the necessary action. When I’m flexible with my thinking, it impacts the way I feel which impacts me. This isn’t being inauthentic, it’s demonstrating flexibility.
Rather than allowing situations, thoughts, and feelings determine your state of being and your outcomes, first think about the outcome you desire and choose the thoughts, feelings and state that will serve your mission. As George W. Bush so eloquently said, “it’s strategery”.